Saint Charbel -Patron Saint of Custom Exhausts

Saint Charbel – Patron Saint of Custom Exhausts– Cavite Philippines

St. Charbel is a small settlement for the upwardly mobile in provincial Cavite, Philippines. Our family was staying in one of the more modest homes on what appeared to be a quiet backstreet. From memory we arrived late on a lazy Sunday afternoon and turned in for the night fairly early, intending a solid night’s sleep. We collectively suffered from insomnia brought on by the inescapable bedlam of noise, which is central Manila. 

Several dogs, vying for the title of ‘canine most likely to be strangled by bare hands’, yapped, and yelped their way through a twenty-minute quartet. Eventually even the most recalcitrant mutt recognised that it was time to call it quits and we all applied the head to the pillow. This only served to reassure me that we were otherwise in for a pleasant night’s slumber and that we’d be possibly nudging half–eight the following morning, before cracking open the peepers, to survey the view from the upstairs window.

I was hurled from the bed around three fifty a.m., by what I assumed to be the unmistakably, throaty roar of a Harley–Davidson Sportster of the 1500cc variety. Amazed that a bike of such mammoth dimensions would be seriously contemplated by anyone for the roads here, I stumbled to the window expecting to see a ‘Harry’ tooling by (a ‘Harry’ is classic Harley rider – Skid-lid, wraparound shades, heavy-duty handlebar moustache, upside down smile, bare arms –heavily tattooed, beer gut, and denim or leather waistcoat flapping in the breeze).  Imagine my shock and awe when a 125cc hove into view and thundered past. “Must have lost his exhaust….whassa time?...oh my lord…time to go horizontal pronto….zzzz”

Monday morning it seemed was market day and the motorcycle drivers have to be out early to catch the trade – dinking or driving people off to market (which opens around 4:00am). Over the next few hours, as bike after bike bellowed out it’s rebel yell, my addled brain struggled to accommodate the data – the roads are potholed – perhaps their collective exhausts have shaken loose? Could it be a Philippine version of the Stone run, assembling for a mass ride up the M2? Maybe the entire motorcycle fraternity have deliberately removed their exhausts in protest? By six-thirty I was trying to calculate how many hours of slumber might be needed to cancel or even make a dent in my sleep deficit.

At one point, courtesy of my sleep-deprived brain, I floated from my bed, through the open window and into the local church. There were candles lit around the dainty feet and flowing gown of its patron saint - St Charbel. Gazing up I realized that what I had initially mistaken for a bouquet of lilies cradled against her tranquil breast, was in fact a brace of custom exhaust pipes – some even marked down on special!   

The following day, after downing several cups of industrial strength coffee to get my eyes working, I began my inquiries. Why do all bikes, even the smallest capacity ones, sound like a Harley on heat? The secret it seems is in the exhaust pipe – they have straight-through exhausts (no baffles), which causes the pipe to function as an amplifier rather than muffling or minimizing the sound.  It seems that people just love that sound, and will remove the perfectly functional standard exhaust, to replace it with a custom made amplifier.

One plausible theory offered was that the louder note made sure that other drivers knew the motorcycle was coming - as a safety feature you might say. However this ignores the fact that the roads are already chaotically noisy, as 2-stroke tricycles dice with diesel jeepneys and heavy vehicles for the record of Loudest Land Vehicle. Besides, this theory has too much in common with the gun-ownership apologists in the U.S. –‘if everyone carries a gun we’ll all be safer’. Yeah, right...

In fact, further inquiries led me to realize that there are some who are content to leave their scooter or small capacity bike be. However, spending serious money on your bike to transform a small cc commuter into a radical head-turner is a big business here.

Many motorcycles are customized in the frame and lights department. Flashing blue light-shows under the rear guard, café-racer style drop handlebars with bar-end mirrors, super-skinny wheels, decorative seats….you name it – there’s a custom-made part available. I feel it my duty to start a photo archive of radical custom jobs. I’m sure I’ll have no trouble getting the proud owners to pose beside their trusty steeds.

Fortunately, I’ve been able to purchase custom parts of my own – ear plugs...