Welcome to the World of International Internet Banking (where access to your money is optional))

This is another rant, rather than a blog, so if you're of a squeamish disposition stop reading here. 

I have to admit I hate banks... I'm using the word HATE here. I mean, they hold onto our money and invest it, making squillions from our collective savings (witness record bank profits and astronomical C.E.O. remuneration packages), but it's never enough. There are bank charges, account keeping fees, transfer fees and transaction fees to name but a few. So, with all this money being deducted from my account, I feel sorely aggrieved about a current problem I'm experiencing with a certain Australian bank. 

I can't tell you which bank (though its logo has something to do with a brightly coloured, mythical reptile) and I can't reproduce our email communication, as I'm prohibited from doing so according to advice posted on their website. What I can do is to tell my side of the story, using my own records:

Hello, 

I'm trying to arrange an international money transfer. The problem is that your bank wants to send a verification code to our temporarily disconnected phones in Australia. Therefore we need to update our account details, but to do this the same protocol applies, so we're stuck! 

We want to use our email address from which we're sending this message, as this will allow us to receive the verification code without hassles. Please assist us as we need to transfer the money a.s.a.p. for a holding deposit on a vehicle purchase. 

Thanking you in anticipation,

P.M.

About three hours later (Australian time) I received a response - which I might add contained several spelling and a host of punctuation errors. The communication thanked me for my email, then offered that I might avail myself of the telephone banking helpdesk, either in Australia or from overseas using an international code.

Hmmm I thought - do I really want to make an international call only to be told that my call is important to the bank, then listen to musak designed to placate me while the money meter spins like a demented Catherine Wheel. No I thought, we actually did our homework on this one, I'm sure it can be sorted out via email. So I wrote again:

2^nd March, 2012.

To Whom it May Concern,                                               

Presently we are attempting to place a deposit on a vehicle in the UK using an international money transfer, via .. ......'s (bank's name deleted) internet banking service. We are in danger of losing the vehicle to another buyer, as it seems that your bank cannot service our needs.

Before leaving Australia we commenced our use of the internet banking service, to iron out any problems. There were none. We informed .. ...... (bank's name deleted) staff at our local branch in ........ (branch's name deleted) of our intention to travel overseas for a period of ten months, at which time we detailed our itinerary, so that your bank was cognisant of our intention. At this interview we also made note of the fact that we would be purchasing a vehicle in the UK, which would require us to transfer large amounts of money.

At no time did your bank’s staff inform us that we would need to use an international roaming telephone account based in Australia (which is prohibitively expensive) in order to receive a verification code. We are currently using the local telephone network and don’t have international roaming on our Philippines account either.

We cannot transfer money from our account to purchase the vehicle, because your system requires us to receive a verification code, addressed to our suspended telephone accounts in Australia. We cannot access our account details, in order to request the use of one of our email address for verification purposes, because the system requires us to receive a verification code addressed to our suspended telephone accounts in Australia. Catch 22!

Your bank has our email addresses on its records, otherwise we would not have been able to access the service from Australia. This email has been sent from our roaming email service. If your bank cannot provide an international service to customers who have made every effort to inform your bank of our travel and financial plans, we cannot continue to use your services.

Your banking service has been remiss in not providing its clients with accurate information, when we approached your bank at branch level in order to avoid such a problem. Unless your so-called help service can come up with a better plan than expecting me, the client, to sort out your bank’s inefficiencies - we will close our all of our accounts from London. I am one very dissatisfied customer! Please do the following forthwith;

1.     Try to sort this problem out swiftly, using the help service or alternatively

2.     Please email the name and email address of the Manager of Internet Banking Services.

Thanking you in anticipation,

P.M.

By now my ire was up. I decided that the personal approach was called for. So I wrote again about 40 minutes later.

Dear ...., (name deleted)

Checking back on my emails, I see that you seem to be spanning both the Electronic Banking and Customer Support desks - perhaps .. ...... (bank's name deleted) isn't taking its customer assistance responsibilities very seriously.

As the mobilehome we are attempting to purchase is to be our accommodation in the UK, will .. ...... (bank's name deleted) cover our accommodation costs in the UK if the sale falls through?

P.S. According to .. ......'s (bank's name deleted) own FAQS information about money transfer to
an international account, I quote:

15.  Can I transfer money to an international bank account?

Yes. You can transfer to an international bank account using the 'Transfer to an International Account' function, located within the Transfers and Payments menu….. Once it is processed, you will have access to this function the next time you log on to Internet Banking.

16.  How long will it take for money to reach an international account?

Payments that are confirmed before 5pm AEST, Monday to Friday, will be processed on the same business day. However, the time it takes for the money to be credited to an international account will vary and we cannot indicate a specific timeframe.

Please note - there is no mention of verification codes, nor mention of international roaming telephone accounts! Please email the Managers details as requested by close of business AEST today.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Needless to say, I'm still waiting though I feel a warm inner glow knowing that my call is important to the bank (though not important enough to put two bodies on the internet help desk). It's reassuring to know that the banks profits are being spent so wisely.